Beauty of life

Beauty of life

Thursday, July 28, 2011


Hey guys sorry i havent updated in a while last time i posted was before my surgery which was last wed it went ok i was supper nervous. Lets just say itsscary er nurses come in you get in a wheel chare then arrive to the er theres a bunch of doctors you get on to this narrow table and all these doctors are asking you questions and hooking up stuff at the same time its overwhelming and hearing the heart monitor kinda freaked me out. I dont remeber much when they put me to sleep all i know was when i woke up my throat was sore and i was nasuas and in pain i kept on drifting in and out of sleep and my heart was pounding. i was in recovery for a while and my mom said i was saying funny thing but i dont remeber. when i went ack to my room i was so sick i couldnt lift my head with out wanting to vomit they had me on so much meds i couldnt keep anything down and i was in pain. Not gonna share much more of the 1st few days cuz i was sick.. But now a week and two days after my surgery im better still in some pain but better, have a long recovery ahead the sad part is this has a high chance of not working.. ugh. and we wont know if it worked or not untill my testing in three months.. again ughhh. crossing my fingers & hoping for the best.

Monday, July 18, 2011

bridge over troubled waters

So my  surgery is in less then to days away and I'm more nervous then ever. I'm terrified to be put under again and i don't even know if this is going to work for sure. Tomorrow is going to be a day of waiting by the phone to see what time my surgery is going to be on wed and i have to meet with the anesthesiologist. yikes i have alot on my plate. Cross your fingers ill try to get on here tomorrow but if i cant ill see you all soon.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Whatta Day..

Today was a very long day doctors appts all day. I found out my surgery is on wed next wed to be exact i am super nervous because if it doesnt work they have to do a more complicated procedure in which they have to cut open my bladder. Im crossing my fingers and hoping for the best im a little skeptical about this procedure because it hasnt been out that long so theres not many years of long term effect maybe 5 if that. And theres complications just like every other procedure but my biggest worry is it not working. Im in alot of pain lately but im trying to stay strong.

hmmm can i do that????? Can I Stay Strong????? I don't know but i guess all I can do is try..

Monday, July 11, 2011


Well the party sunday was a success! i am exhausted!!! but im so glad everybody had a great time but im also glad its over because i have so much more to deal with this week. its gonna be a long and physically and emotionally exhausting week. Well  im tired so im going to go to bed (if i can) well i will try..
Goodnight.... ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZz

Random picture of a random summer night

Friday, July 8, 2011

Busy day

Today was a very busy day. Big Party on sunday and so much to do in so little time. so much more running around to do and setting up and cleaning today was one of those days where it feels like your body is going to fall apart. And on top of it all my illness (kidney issues) got the best of me was in alot of pain today. Another day saturday of being on my feet and running all around did i mention theres going to be more then a hundred guest?! ahh its all so overwhelming. well a good thing is sunday is going to be beutiful and spent with the friends and family i love oh so much so all this crazy buissness is worth it.
wish me luck!

Wednesday, July 6, 2011


How can some people just not care about how other people feel they just think about themselves. we were all raised better then that wernt we? Sometimes its not always people its are pasts that make us broken and nothing we do helps fix are broken hearts except forgiving but still it doesnt mean you will forget or still be hurt from it. But we have to remember that what has happened has only made us stronger and made us who we are. And your not alone theres somebody out there that has got your back even if you dont think there is belive me there is. So what helps you with being oh so damn broken what do you do to try and move on because you cannot give up because that is not a choice and never will be you just have to try hard and then harder and kick some ass. Even if you feel the weakest of weak... Don't give up. Even though your broken..

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Fathers day

Happy Fathers day to all the dads and dads to be out there. I dont really know what to think about fathers day because my dad was never really there for me. And we dont get along i never did anything wrong hes just like that i guess he talks to my brothers but doesnt really wanna do stuff with them. I guess i can say im not a daddys girl. I just think he doesnt like me. I did indeed say happy fathers day but let my brothers plan a day with him. was that wrong on my part? Even though my dads an ass to me. hmm.. i dont really feel bad,but should I?

Friday, June 17, 2011

What do you do when you have know more stength and you feel like you cant make it through. What do you look up too? When you have that long day at work or in my case that long day at the hospital getting testing done what keeps you going?

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Never ending

Another day at the hospital here w e come. For the past year its been doctors apt after doctors apt and so many different tests and still no big answers on whats wrong with my kidneys. Getting a MAG3 test done tomorrow and some others too. Nervouseverybody know how  and very exhausted. i guess i will let everybody know how it goes. It takes forever for results.